The most important and useful skill is the ability to communicate with people and find a common language with them, since this allows not only to win over others, but also to achieve great success both in the professional and personal spheres. At the same time, many cannot become good interlocutors due to self-doubt and low self-esteem. If you have a great desire, then you can change all this.
There are no identical people, therefore it is easy for some to keep up a conversation and become the soul of the company, while the rest cannot do it, since the need to communicate with other subjects of society causes them to panic. Such differences are due to the peculiarities of temperament and character, which each person has his own. Positive people have the ability to quickly start a conversation on the street with strangers, they are easy-goingenjoy conversations on any topic, love to be in the spotlight and constantly learn something new.
In addition, we can say that an interesting, sociable person is a subject of society, distinguished by the presence of charisma and a sense of humor. Such people are not always «written handsome», but they have a special energy, thanks to which they manage to conquer all those around them and give them a good mood.
Barriers to communication
Everyone can enjoy communication. To do this, it is necessary not only to share feelings, information data, but also to use intonation, facial expressions and gestures, giving the conversation a special emotional coloring. But, unfortunately, not everyone copes with this.
There are usually some barriers to communication.
- Shyness. Such a problem is considered one of the most difficult, since shy subjects close themselves from others on their own. The reason for this may be isolation from peers in childhood or improper upbringing in the family.
- Lack of self-esteem. Some people constantly experience a feeling of fear from communication, because they are afraid of appearing too stupid and, accordingly, being criticized. They find it much easier to avoid contact with others.
- Inferiority complex. It is not inherent in everyone and manifests itself mainly in this way: a person wants to communicate, but prefers to just be silent, because he considers himself a constant loser. There are also people who can feel free in a conversation, but often, because of the joy of communication, tend to interrupt the interlocutor.
All of the above barriers are easy to overcome. The most important thing is to set a goal and engage in self-improvement. In addition, you should try to appear as often as possible in the company of friends, developing your charisma.
What books can be read?
To date, you can find many interesting books, the reading of which contributes to the development of the secrets of communication, but it is difficult to make the right choice in favor of one or another publication. Psychologists recommend giving preference to literature that has stood the test of time and received only positive feedback from readers.. Such books can be read by both girls and men, but it is best for children to purchase books whose authors have a psychological or pedagogical education.
Here are the most popular publications for adults.
- «Communication skills. How to find a common language with anyone (by Paul McGee). The book describes many interesting life situations, as well as tips on how to stop being afraid of talking and turn your ideas into reality.
- «How to overcome shyness» (from Philip Zimbardo). This book was written by a world-famous American psychologist who considers shyness one of the ways to respond to emotions. To overcome all complexes in communication, he offers a whole set of exercises and practical advice.
- «How to Talk to Anyone» (by Mark Rhodes). This book describes how to learn how to relieve tension when talking and cope with fears that prevent you from starting communication. In addition, the author analyzed in detail the main problems of modern communication.
Separately Parents are encouraged to read these books.: “The child learns to communicate. From birth to 5 years” (Filippova Yu. V.), “Labyrinth of the soul. Therapeutic fairy tales «(Khukhlaeva O. V. Khukhlaev O. E.), «Steps of communication: from one to six» (Galiguzova L. N. Smirnova E. O.).
All of the above literature can help you learn to set interesting goals for yourself and make the right impression on others.
What skills need to be developed?
In order to be able to speak freely in front of a huge audience, maintain a normal conversation, exchange jokes at parties and quickly get to know each other on the street, you need not only to overcome the fear of communication in yourself, but also constantly develop new skills.
- Follow the gestures of the interlocutor during a conversation. The main component of any conversation is considered not so much the ability to competently maintain it, but the use of non-verbal signals. Psychologists advise when talking to carefully analyze the facial expressions, gestures and facial expressions of your interlocutor.
- Don’t be afraid to ask. Most often, people like to talk about their achievements, so you can ask them leading questions, being interested in success. At the same time, questions should not be like an interrogation — this will cause an uncomfortable feeling in the interlocutor.
- Learn to listen. Sometimes people during a conversation perceive information from the interlocutor superficially, begin to interrupt and transfer the conversation to other topics. Such actions can easily push a person away from you. To prevent this, you need to ask a few leading questions and thereby smoothly push the interlocutor to the topic of interest to you.
- Control your voice. To do this, it is recommended to conduct a rehearsal at home, record your conversation and listen to it. You need to remember one rule in communication — none of those around you will want to continue the conversation if the intonation is fuzzy and the voice is quiet.
- Eliminate all parasitic words. The speaking person, as a rule, does not notice how his speech is full of parasitic words. Therefore, it is necessary to increase control over the quality of the conversation, keeping in mind the courtesy and simple rules of etiquette.
- Maximize your horizons. The subjects of society are attracted to people who seek to learn something new, as they are very interesting in communication. Being in the spotlight, you need to arouse the interest of others by presenting new information. To do this, it is recommended in your free time to study new technologies, the situation in the world.
What shouldn’t be talked about?
Many people are intimidated by the first stages of a conversation because they don’t know what topic to start with. Some insecure people raise the topic of the weather, it seems to be right, but such a topic will not particularly interest anyone. It can be used as a primary step in the conversation, and then the communication should take a detailed form. Besides, There are topics that are unacceptable to discuss.
- Politics. This topic is ambiguous and very complex, since each person has his own view on the events in politics, and there is no guarantee that the opinions of the interlocutors will be identical. It often happens that the beginning of a conversation with politics ends in a conflict situation.
- Health. This topic is considered intimate, personal and can only be discussed with loved ones. It is allowed to talk about health only if the interlocutor himself expressed a desire to discuss the problems of his well-being. Communicating just with friends or colleagues, you need to forget about this topic. No one will be interested in discussing bowel disease or acne.
- Personal life. It is strictly forbidden to climb into the inner world of another person, and even more so to try to give him advice, sharing your views on life and experience. For example, if you act as a third party in a conflict between two lovers, then this will not end in anything good. The conflict will resolve itself, and the third party will remain extreme and guilty.
Communication is an important part of any person’s life. Thanks to him, you can not only achieve success in your career, build relationships with your family, but also make new friends. As you know, the cause of many divorces and conflicts in a couple is a simple inability to negotiate and listen to a partner. In addition, the fear of communication makes people lonely and unhappy. To become the perfect conversationalist for friends, family members, colleagues and achieve success in all areas of life, you need to follow the advice of experts.
- Don’t be boring. Sometimes when telling an entertaining story, you can notice how others yawn. This is because they are not interested in hearing such things. To remedy the situation, you should end the conversation and give the opportunity to talk to others. You need to allow the interlocutor to begin the story about himself. Oddly enough, but people like those who talk little, but listen a lot.
- Discuss the interests of the interlocutor. If you ask a person about his hobby, then there is an 80% chance that the conversation will continue successfully. In addition, you should know in advance the hobbies of the interlocutor, this will then allow you to easily and freely maintain a conversation. It also does not hurt to additionally share with others a few interesting stories from your life (this can also be done in correspondence).
- Constantly develop charisma. This personality trait is given to many at birth, while others need to develop it over the years. According to studies, it was found that during a conversation, only 7% of attention is paid to words, the rest falls on body gestures and tone of speech. Therefore, during a conversation, you should smile and be emotional, not forgetting about gestures.
- Live an interesting life. Psychologists recommend watching movies more often, traveling, reading books and communicating with different people. It is also good to attend concerts, exhibitions, lectures, as you can meet many interesting people there. Thanks to this, the worldview will expand and it will be possible to present yourself to others as a good interlocutor.
- Call the interlocutor by name. Before starting a conversation, you need to ask the interlocutor to introduce himself and use his name further in the dialogue.
- Avoid complex phrases and terms. No need to try to «be smart» and give yourself a special status, using complex scientific terms in a conversation. It is best to express thoughts in simple words, the interlocutor will understand what the speaker is.
In addition to all of the above, you should always express negative thoughts in a positive interpretation. Of course, you can be angry, but you must not forget about respect for others.
All comments addressed to you should be taken positively, favorably accept compliments and seek help when needed.