How to become an interesting conversationalist? What books to read for men and girls to become an interesting interlocutor in correspondence and in communication?

How to become an interesting conversationalist?

The most impor­tant and use­ful skill is the abil­i­ty to com­mu­ni­cate with peo­ple and find a com­mon lan­guage with them, since this allows not only to win over oth­ers, but also to achieve great suc­cess both in the pro­fes­sion­al and per­son­al spheres. At the same time, many can­not become good inter­locu­tors due to self-doubt and low self-esteem. If you have a great desire, then you can change all this.


There are no iden­ti­cal peo­ple, there­fore it is easy for some to keep up a con­ver­sa­tion and become the soul of the com­pa­ny, while the rest can­not do it, since the need to com­mu­ni­cate with oth­er sub­jects of soci­ety caus­es them to pan­ic. Such dif­fer­ences are due to the pecu­liar­i­ties of tem­pera­ment and char­ac­ter, which each per­son has his own. Pos­i­tive peo­ple have the abil­i­ty to quick­ly start a con­ver­sa­tion on the street with strangers, they are easy-goingenjoy con­ver­sa­tions on any top­ic, love to be in the spot­light and con­stant­ly learn some­thing new.

In addi­tion, we can say that an inter­est­ing, socia­ble per­son is a sub­ject of soci­ety, dis­tin­guished by the pres­ence of charis­ma and a sense of humor. Such peo­ple are not always “writ­ten hand­some”, but they have a spe­cial ener­gy, thanks to which they man­age to con­quer all those around them and give them a good mood.

Barriers to communication

Every­one can enjoy com­mu­ni­ca­tion. To do this, it is nec­es­sary not only to share feel­ings, infor­ma­tion data, but also to use into­na­tion, facial expres­sions and ges­tures, giv­ing the con­ver­sa­tion a spe­cial emo­tion­al col­or­ing. But, unfor­tu­nate­ly, not every­one copes with this.

There are usu­al­ly some bar­ri­ers to com­mu­ni­ca­tion.

  • Shy­ness. Such a prob­lem is con­sid­ered one of the most dif­fi­cult, since shy sub­jects close them­selves from oth­ers on their own. The rea­son for this may be iso­la­tion from peers in child­hood or improp­er upbring­ing in the fam­i­ly.
  • Lack of self-esteem. Some peo­ple con­stant­ly expe­ri­ence a feel­ing of fear from com­mu­ni­ca­tion, because they are afraid of appear­ing too stu­pid and, accord­ing­ly, being crit­i­cized. They find it much eas­i­er to avoid con­tact with oth­ers.
  • Infe­ri­or­i­ty com­plex. It is not inher­ent in every­one and man­i­fests itself main­ly in this way: a per­son wants to com­mu­ni­cate, but prefers to just be silent, because he con­sid­ers him­self a con­stant los­er. There are also peo­ple who can feel free in a con­ver­sa­tion, but often, because of the joy of com­mu­ni­ca­tion, tend to inter­rupt the inter­locu­tor.

All of the above bar­ri­ers are easy to over­come. The most impor­tant thing is to set a goal and engage in self-improve­ment. In addi­tion, you should try to appear as often as pos­si­ble in the com­pa­ny of friends, devel­op­ing your charis­ma.

What books can be read?

To date, you can find many inter­est­ing books, the read­ing of which con­tributes to the devel­op­ment of the secrets of com­mu­ni­ca­tion, but it is dif­fi­cult to make the right choice in favor of one or anoth­er pub­li­ca­tion. Psy­chol­o­gists rec­om­mend giv­ing pref­er­ence to lit­er­a­ture that has stood the test of time and received only pos­i­tive feed­back from read­ers.. Such books can be read by both girls and men, but it is best for chil­dren to pur­chase books whose authors have a psy­cho­log­i­cal or ped­a­gog­i­cal edu­ca­tion.

Here are the most pop­u­lar pub­li­ca­tions for adults.

  • “Com­mu­ni­ca­tion skills. How to find a com­mon lan­guage with any­one (by Paul McGee). The book describes many inter­est­ing life sit­u­a­tions, as well as tips on how to stop being afraid of talk­ing and turn your ideas into real­i­ty.
  • “How to over­come shy­ness” (from Philip Zim­bar­do). This book was writ­ten by a world-famous Amer­i­can psy­chol­o­gist who con­sid­ers shy­ness one of the ways to respond to emo­tions. To over­come all com­plex­es in com­mu­ni­ca­tion, he offers a whole set of exer­cis­es and prac­ti­cal advice.
  • “How to Talk to Any­one” (by Mark Rhodes). This book describes how to learn how to relieve ten­sion when talk­ing and cope with fears that pre­vent you from start­ing com­mu­ni­ca­tion. In addi­tion, the author ana­lyzed in detail the main prob­lems of mod­ern com­mu­ni­ca­tion.

Sep­a­rate­ly Par­ents are encour­aged to read these books.: “The child learns to com­mu­ni­cate. From birth to 5 years” (Fil­ip­po­va Yu. V.), “Labyrinth of the soul. Ther­a­peu­tic fairy tales “(Khukhlae­va O. V. Khukhlaev O. E.), “Steps of com­mu­ni­ca­tion: from one to six” (Galigu­zo­va L. N. Smirno­va E. O.).

All of the above lit­er­a­ture can help you learn to set inter­est­ing goals for your­self and make the right impres­sion on oth­ers.

What skills need to be developed?

In order to be able to speak freely in front of a huge audi­ence, main­tain a nor­mal con­ver­sa­tion, exchange jokes at par­ties and quick­ly get to know each oth­er on the street, you need not only to over­come the fear of com­mu­ni­ca­tion in your­self, but also con­stant­ly devel­op new skills.

  • Fol­low the ges­tures of the inter­locu­tor dur­ing a con­ver­sa­tion. The main com­po­nent of any con­ver­sa­tion is con­sid­ered not so much the abil­i­ty to com­pe­tent­ly main­tain it, but the use of non-ver­bal sig­nals. Psy­chol­o­gists advise when talk­ing to care­ful­ly ana­lyze the facial expres­sions, ges­tures and facial expres­sions of your inter­locu­tor.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask. Most often, peo­ple like to talk about their achieve­ments, so you can ask them lead­ing ques­tions, being inter­est­ed in suc­cess. At the same time, ques­tions should not be like an inter­ro­ga­tion — this will cause an uncom­fort­able feel­ing in the inter­locu­tor.
  • Learn to lis­ten. Some­times peo­ple dur­ing a con­ver­sa­tion per­ceive infor­ma­tion from the inter­locu­tor super­fi­cial­ly, begin to inter­rupt and trans­fer the con­ver­sa­tion to oth­er top­ics. Such actions can eas­i­ly push a per­son away from you. To pre­vent this, you need to ask a few lead­ing ques­tions and there­by smooth­ly push the inter­locu­tor to the top­ic of inter­est to you.
  • Con­trol your voice. To do this, it is rec­om­mend­ed to con­duct a rehearsal at home, record your con­ver­sa­tion and lis­ten to it. You need to remem­ber one rule in com­mu­ni­ca­tion — none of those around you will want to con­tin­ue the con­ver­sa­tion if the into­na­tion is fuzzy and the voice is qui­et.
  • Elim­i­nate all par­a­sitic words. The speak­ing per­son, as a rule, does not notice how his speech is full of par­a­sitic words. There­fore, it is nec­es­sary to increase con­trol over the qual­i­ty of the con­ver­sa­tion, keep­ing in mind the cour­tesy and sim­ple rules of eti­quette.
  • Max­i­mize your hori­zons. The sub­jects of soci­ety are attract­ed to peo­ple who seek to learn some­thing new, as they are very inter­est­ing in com­mu­ni­ca­tion. Being in the spot­light, you need to arouse the inter­est of oth­ers by pre­sent­ing new infor­ma­tion. To do this, it is rec­om­mend­ed in your free time to study new tech­nolo­gies, the sit­u­a­tion in the world.

What shouldn’t be talked about?

Many peo­ple are intim­i­dat­ed by the first stages of a con­ver­sa­tion because they don’t know what top­ic to start with. Some inse­cure peo­ple raise the top­ic of the weath­er, it seems to be right, but such a top­ic will not par­tic­u­lar­ly inter­est any­one. It can be used as a pri­ma­ry step in the con­ver­sa­tion, and then the com­mu­ni­ca­tion should take a detailed form. Besides, There are top­ics that are unac­cept­able to dis­cuss.

  • Pol­i­tics. This top­ic is ambigu­ous and very com­plex, since each per­son has his own view on the events in pol­i­tics, and there is no guar­an­tee that the opin­ions of the inter­locu­tors will be iden­ti­cal. It often hap­pens that the begin­ning of a con­ver­sa­tion with pol­i­tics ends in a con­flict sit­u­a­tion.
  • Health. This top­ic is con­sid­ered inti­mate, per­son­al and can only be dis­cussed with loved ones. It is allowed to talk about health only if the inter­locu­tor him­self expressed a desire to dis­cuss the prob­lems of his well-being. Com­mu­ni­cat­ing just with friends or col­leagues, you need to for­get about this top­ic. No one will be inter­est­ed in dis­cussing bow­el dis­ease or acne.
  • Per­son­al life. It is strict­ly for­bid­den to climb into the inner world of anoth­er per­son, and even more so to try to give him advice, shar­ing your views on life and expe­ri­ence. For exam­ple, if you act as a third par­ty in a con­flict between two lovers, then this will not end in any­thing good. The con­flict will resolve itself, and the third par­ty will remain extreme and guilty.


Com­mu­ni­ca­tion is an impor­tant part of any per­son­’s life. Thanks to him, you can not only achieve suc­cess in your career, build rela­tion­ships with your fam­i­ly, but also make new friends. As you know, the cause of many divorces and con­flicts in a cou­ple is a sim­ple inabil­i­ty to nego­ti­ate and lis­ten to a part­ner. In addi­tion, the fear of com­mu­ni­ca­tion makes peo­ple lone­ly and unhap­py. To become the per­fect con­ver­sa­tion­al­ist for friends, fam­i­ly mem­bers, col­leagues and achieve suc­cess in all areas of life, you need to fol­low the advice of experts.

  • Don’t be bor­ing. Some­times when telling an enter­tain­ing sto­ry, you can notice how oth­ers yawn. This is because they are not inter­est­ed in hear­ing such things. To rem­e­dy the sit­u­a­tion, you should end the con­ver­sa­tion and give the oppor­tu­ni­ty to talk to oth­ers. You need to allow the inter­locu­tor to begin the sto­ry about him­self. Odd­ly enough, but peo­ple like those who talk lit­tle, but lis­ten a lot.
  • Dis­cuss the inter­ests of the inter­locu­tor. If you ask a per­son about his hob­by, then there is an 80% chance that the con­ver­sa­tion will con­tin­ue suc­cess­ful­ly. In addi­tion, you should know in advance the hob­bies of the inter­locu­tor, this will then allow you to eas­i­ly and freely main­tain a con­ver­sa­tion. It also does not hurt to addi­tion­al­ly share with oth­ers a few inter­est­ing sto­ries from your life (this can also be done in cor­re­spon­dence).
  • Con­stant­ly devel­op charis­ma. This per­son­al­i­ty trait is giv­en to many at birth, while oth­ers need to devel­op it over the years. Accord­ing to stud­ies, it was found that dur­ing a con­ver­sa­tion, only 7% of atten­tion is paid to words, the rest falls on body ges­tures and tone of speech. There­fore, dur­ing a con­ver­sa­tion, you should smile and be emo­tion­al, not for­get­ting about ges­tures.
  • Live an inter­est­ing life. Psy­chol­o­gists rec­om­mend watch­ing movies more often, trav­el­ing, read­ing books and com­mu­ni­cat­ing with dif­fer­ent peo­ple. It is also good to attend con­certs, exhi­bi­tions, lec­tures, as you can meet many inter­est­ing peo­ple there. Thanks to this, the world­view will expand and it will be pos­si­ble to present your­self to oth­ers as a good inter­locu­tor.
  • Call the inter­locu­tor by name. Before start­ing a con­ver­sa­tion, you need to ask the inter­locu­tor to intro­duce him­self and use his name fur­ther in the dia­logue.
  • Avoid com­plex phras­es and terms. No need to try to “be smart” and give your­self a spe­cial sta­tus, using com­plex sci­en­tif­ic terms in a con­ver­sa­tion. It is best to express thoughts in sim­ple words, the inter­locu­tor will under­stand what the speak­er is.

In addi­tion to all of the above, you should always express neg­a­tive thoughts in a pos­i­tive inter­pre­ta­tion. Of course, you can be angry, but you must not for­get about respect for oth­ers.

All com­ments addressed to you should be tak­en pos­i­tive­ly, favor­ably accept com­pli­ments and seek help when need­ed.

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