How to become an interesting conversationalist? What books to read for men and girls to become an interesting interlocutor in correspondence and in communication?

The most impor­tant and use­ful skill is the abil­i­ty to com­mu­ni­cate with peo­ple and find a com­mon lan­guage with them, since this allows not only to win over oth­ers, but also to achieve great suc­cess both in the pro­fes­sion­al and per­son­al spheres. At the same time, many can­not become good inter­locu­tors due to self-doubt and low self-esteem. If you have a great desire, then you can change all this.

There are no iden­ti­cal peo­ple, there­fore it is easy for some to keep up a con­ver­sa­tion and become the soul of the com­pa­ny, while the rest can­not do it, since the need to com­mu­ni­cate with oth­er sub­jects of soci­ety caus­es them to pan­ic. Such dif­fer­ences are due to the pecu­liar­i­ties of tem­pera­ment and char­ac­ter, which each per­son has his own. Pos­i­tive peo­ple have the abil­i­ty to quick­ly start a con­ver­sa­tion on the street with strangers, they are easy-goingenjoy con­ver­sa­tions on any top­ic, love to be in the spot­light and con­stant­ly learn some­thing new.

Every­one can enjoy com­mu­ni­ca­tion. To do this, it is nec­es­sary not only to share feel­ings, infor­ma­tion data, but also to use into­na­tion, facial expres­sions and ges­tures, giv­ing the con­ver­sa­tion a spe­cial emo­tion­al col­or­ing. But, unfor­tu­nate­ly, not every­one copes with this.

There are usu­al­ly some bar­ri­ers to com­mu­ni­ca­tion.

• Shy­ness. Such a prob­lem is con­sid­ered one of the most dif­fi­cult, since shy sub­jects close them­selves from oth­ers on their own. The rea­son for this may be iso­la­tion from peers in child­hood or improp­er upbring­ing in the fam­i­ly.
• Lack of self-esteem. Some peo­ple con­stant­ly expe­ri­ence a feel­ing of fear from com­mu­ni­ca­tion, because they are afraid of appear­ing too stu­pid and, accord­ing­ly, being crit­i­cized. They find it much eas­i­er to avoid con­tact with oth­ers.
• Infe­ri­or­i­ty com­plex. It is not inher­ent in every­one and man­i­fests itself main­ly in this way: a per­son wants to com­mu­ni­cate, but prefers to just be silent, because he con­sid­ers him­self a con­stant los­er. There are also peo­ple who can feel free in a con­ver­sa­tion, but often, because of the joy of com­mu­ni­ca­tion, tend to inter­rupt the inter­locu­tor.

To date, you can find many inter­est­ing books, the read­ing of which con­tributes to the devel­op­ment of the secrets of com­mu­ni­ca­tion, but it is dif­fi­cult to make the right choice in favor of one or anoth­er pub­li­ca­tion. Psy­chol­o­gists rec­om­mend giv­ing pref­er­ence to lit­er­a­ture that has stood the test of time and received only pos­i­tive feed­back from read­ers.. Such books can be read by both girls and men, but it is best for chil­dren to pur­chase books whose authors have a psy­cho­log­i­cal or ped­a­gog­i­cal edu­ca­tion.

Here are the most pop­u­lar pub­li­ca­tions for adults.

• “Com­mu­ni­ca­tion skills. How to find a com­mon lan­guage with any­one (by Paul McGee). The book describes many inter­est­ing life sit­u­a­tions, as well as tips on how to stop being afraid of talk­ing and turn your ideas into real­i­ty.
• “How to over­come shy­ness” (from Philip Zim­bar­do). This book was writ­ten by a world-famous Amer­i­can psy­chol­o­gist who con­sid­ers shy­ness one of the ways to respond to emo­tions. To over­come all com­plex­es in com­mu­ni­ca­tion, he offers a whole set of exer­cis­es and prac­ti­cal advice.
• “How to Talk to Any­one” (by Mark Rhodes). This book describes how to learn how to relieve ten­sion when talk­ing and cope with fears that pre­vent you from start­ing com­mu­ni­ca­tion. In addi­tion, the author ana­lyzed in detail the main prob­lems of mod­ern com­mu­ni­ca­tion.

Sep­a­rate­ly Par­ents are encour­aged to read these books.: “The child learns to com­mu­ni­cate. From birth to 5 years” (Fil­ip­po­va Yu. V.), “Labyrinth of the soul. Ther­a­peu­tic fairy tales “(Khukhlae­va O. V. Khukhlaev O. E.), “Steps of com­mu­ni­ca­tion: from one to six” (Galigu­zo­va L. N. Smirno­va E. O.).

In order to be able to speak freely in front of a huge audi­ence, main­tain a nor­mal con­ver­sa­tion, exchange jokes at par­ties and quick­ly get to know each oth­er on the street, you need not only to over­come the fear of com­mu­ni­ca­tion in your­self, but also con­stant­ly devel­op new skills.

• Fol­low the ges­tures of the inter­locu­tor dur­ing a con­ver­sa­tion. The main com­po­nent of any con­ver­sa­tion is con­sid­ered not so much the abil­i­ty to com­pe­tent­ly main­tain it, but the use of non-ver­bal sig­nals. Psy­chol­o­gists advise when talk­ing to care­ful­ly ana­lyze the facial expres­sions, ges­tures and facial expres­sions of your inter­locu­tor.
• Don’t be afraid to ask. Most often, peo­ple like to talk about their achieve­ments, so you can ask them lead­ing ques­tions, being inter­est­ed in suc­cess. At the same time, ques­tions should not be like an inter­ro­ga­tion — this will cause an uncom­fort­able feel­ing in the inter­locu­tor.
• Learn to lis­ten. Some­times peo­ple dur­ing a con­ver­sa­tion per­ceive infor­ma­tion from the inter­locu­tor super­fi­cial­ly, begin to inter­rupt and trans­fer the con­ver­sa­tion to oth­er top­ics. Such actions can eas­i­ly push a per­son away from you. To pre­vent this, you need to ask a few lead­ing ques­tions and there­by smooth­ly push the inter­locu­tor to the top­ic of inter­est to you.
• Con­trol your voice. To do this, it is rec­om­mend­ed to con­duct a rehearsal at home, record your con­ver­sa­tion and lis­ten to it. You need to remem­ber one rule in com­mu­ni­ca­tion — none of those around you will want to con­tin­ue the con­ver­sa­tion if the into­na­tion is fuzzy and the voice is qui­et.
• Elim­i­nate all par­a­sitic words. The speak­ing per­son, as a rule, does not notice how his speech is full of par­a­sitic words. There­fore, it is nec­es­sary to increase con­trol over the qual­i­ty of the con­ver­sa­tion, keep­ing in mind the cour­tesy and sim­ple rules of eti­quette.
• Max­i­mize your hori­zons. The sub­jects of soci­ety are attract­ed to peo­ple who seek to learn some­thing new, as they are very inter­est­ing in com­mu­ni­ca­tion. Being in the spot­light, you need to arouse the inter­est of oth­ers by pre­sent­ing new infor­ma­tion. To do this, it is rec­om­mend­ed in your free time to study new tech­nolo­gies, the sit­u­a­tion in the world.

Many peo­ple are intim­i­dat­ed by the first stages of a con­ver­sa­tion because they don’t know what top­ic to start with. Some inse­cure peo­ple raise the top­ic of the weath­er, it seems to be right, but such a top­ic will not par­tic­u­lar­ly inter­est any­one. It can be used as a pri­ma­ry step in the con­ver­sa­tion, and then the com­mu­ni­ca­tion should take a detailed form. Besides, There are top­ics that are unac­cept­able to dis­cuss.

• Pol­i­tics. This top­ic is ambigu­ous and very com­plex, since each per­son has his own view on the events in pol­i­tics, and there is no guar­an­tee that the opin­ions of the inter­locu­tors will be iden­ti­cal. It often hap­pens that the begin­ning of a con­ver­sa­tion with pol­i­tics ends in a con­flict sit­u­a­tion.
• Health. This top­ic is con­sid­ered inti­mate, per­son­al and can only be dis­cussed with loved ones. It is allowed to talk about health only if the inter­locu­tor him­self expressed a desire to dis­cuss the prob­lems of his well-being. Com­mu­ni­cat­ing just with friends or col­leagues, you need to for­get about this top­ic. No one will be inter­est­ed in dis­cussing bow­el dis­ease or acne.
• Per­son­al life. It is strict­ly for­bid­den to climb into the inner world of anoth­er per­son, and even more so to try to give him advice, shar­ing your views on life and expe­ri­ence. For exam­ple, if you act as a third par­ty in a con­flict between two lovers, then this will not end in any­thing good. The con­flict will resolve itself, and the third par­ty will remain extreme and guilty.

Com­mu­ni­ca­tion is an impor­tant part of any per­son­’s life. Thanks to him, you can not only achieve suc­cess in your career, build rela­tion­ships with your fam­i­ly, but also make new friends. As you know, the cause of many divorces and con­flicts in a cou­ple is a sim­ple inabil­i­ty to nego­ti­ate and lis­ten to a part­ner. In addi­tion, the fear of com­mu­ni­ca­tion makes peo­ple lone­ly and unhap­py. To become the per­fect con­ver­sa­tion­al­ist for friends, fam­i­ly mem­bers, col­leagues and achieve suc­cess in all areas of life, you need to fol­low the advice of experts.

• Don’t be bor­ing. Some­times when telling an enter­tain­ing sto­ry, you can notice how oth­ers yawn. This is because they are not inter­est­ed in hear­ing such things. To rem­e­dy the sit­u­a­tion, you should end the con­ver­sa­tion and give the oppor­tu­ni­ty to talk to oth­ers. You need to allow the inter­locu­tor to begin the sto­ry about him­self. Odd­ly enough, but peo­ple like those who talk lit­tle, but lis­ten a lot.
• Dis­cuss the inter­ests of the inter­locu­tor. If you ask a per­son about his hob­by, then there is an 80% chance that the con­ver­sa­tion will con­tin­ue suc­cess­ful­ly. In addi­tion, you should know in advance the hob­bies of the inter­locu­tor, this will then allow you to eas­i­ly and freely main­tain a con­ver­sa­tion. It also does not hurt to addi­tion­al­ly share with oth­ers a few inter­est­ing sto­ries from your life (this can also be done in cor­re­spon­dence).
• Con­stant­ly devel­op charis­ma. This per­son­al­i­ty trait is giv­en to many at birth, while oth­ers need to devel­op it over the years. Accord­ing to stud­ies, it was found that dur­ing a con­ver­sa­tion, only 7% of atten­tion is paid to words, the rest falls on body ges­tures and tone of speech. There­fore, dur­ing a con­ver­sa­tion, you should smile and be emo­tion­al, not for­get­ting about ges­tures.
• Live an inter­est­ing life. Psy­chol­o­gists rec­om­mend watch­ing movies more often, trav­el­ing, read­ing books and com­mu­ni­cat­ing with dif­fer­ent peo­ple. It is also good to attend con­certs, exhi­bi­tions, lec­tures, as you can meet many inter­est­ing peo­ple there. Thanks to this, the world­view will expand and it will be pos­si­ble to present your­self to oth­ers as a good inter­locu­tor.
• Call the inter­locu­tor by name. Before start­ing a con­ver­sa­tion, you need to ask the inter­locu­tor to intro­duce him­self and use his name fur­ther in the dia­logue.
• Avoid com­plex phras­es and terms. No need to try to “be smart” and give your­self a spe­cial sta­tus, using com­plex sci­en­tif­ic terms in a con­ver­sa­tion. It is best to express thoughts in sim­ple words, the inter­locu­tor will under­stand what the speak­er is.

In addi­tion to all of the above, you should always express neg­a­tive thoughts in a pos­i­tive inter­pre­ta­tion. Of course, you can be angry, but you must not for­get about respect for oth­ers.