Any person in some life situation may experience awkwardness and stiffness when communicating with strangers or unfamiliar people. For some, shyness eventually becomes a character trait.
Why does it appear?
The mechanism of shyness is most often turned on, when a person is in a circle of members of the opposite sex, strangers, persons in authority or people of other age groups. Even close friends and parents can drive a person into the paint. External causes are any situations related to communication, especially when a subject capable of experiencing timidity is in the center of attention.. For example, when delivering a speech in a forced speaker, the heart begins to beat strongly, the face turns red, and a slight stutter appears. In dealing with unfamiliar people, such a person may show excessive modesty for fear of receiving public censure.
Shy people are highly dependent on the opinions of others.. They have low self-esteem, so elementary communication with others often leads the subject to stress. It is difficult for a shy person to make a phone call to obtain the necessary information or to communicate with a sales assistant. Clamped individuals focus on their own shortcomings and do not see their own merits.
Shy people tend to blame themselves for everything, while non-shy people tend to blame the situation. The offer to speak in front of an audience or meet with a stranger instantly causes a feeling of intense discomfort in a timid subject.
Usually shyness begins to form in childhood. Shyness can be passed on to a child automatically from shy parents. If the father and mother have this quality, then the baby perceives it as the norm. In other families, it is customary to constantly criticize and humiliate their children, and they become isolated.
Constant parental prohibitions, excessive demands also lead the child to excessive stiffness. The reasons for the appearance of timidity may be stereotypes. Often, parents have high hopes for the baby, praise him. In the future, he is afraid to destroy their illusion and is afraid to express his thoughts aloud, to defend his own point of view.
People who are not confident in their own abilities often have a feeling of embarrassment and timidity in the company. It happens due to fear of possible critical remarks addressed to him and low self-esteem. Some are ready to hang unreasonable labels on themselves. For example, someone noticed that during a conversation he breaks sweat, he begins to consider himself a nervous person. It seems to a person that others notice his nervousness. Each subsequent performance makes this person even more nervous. An unreasonable assumption leads away from the true cause and leads to biased self-esteem.
Some feel shame and embarrassment due to psychological trauma. They want to protect themselves from situations that cause stiffness in the future, and withdraw into themselves. Often, the habit of spending most of your time alone with yourself leads to internal tightness. A person gradually loses communication skills. In this case, a large crowd of people causes panic and a desire to hide in a quiet familiar place.
Ways to deal with shyness
Many shy people find it difficult to overcome their shyness. Fortunately, this character trait can be corrected. You just need to express a desire to change and make efforts to stop being a shy person. Primarily, you have to learn to respect yourself.
People with low self-esteem suffer from prejudice. Shy people perceive any refusal at their own expense.
It should be realized that the reason for the refusal is the result of concomitant conditions, but in no way is it related to the personal qualities of the individual.
Timid personalities are passive and less popular. It is not surprising that a modest girl can be observed rejecting any compliments addressed to her. The young lady is sure that kind words have nothing to do with her, but just those around want to please the girl. Such people are hypersensitive to criticism. With severe shyness, self-esteem is always reduced. Realize your own strengths, set yourself worthy goals. Self-respect instills inner confidence and peace.
If in an adult shyness was formed in childhood due to a kind of contact with parents, then you need to understand that mother and father tried to educate them as best they could. They gave as much warmth and love as they could. Do not blame them for this and mentally torment yourself. Leave childhood in the past, now it is in your power to take responsibility for the events that take place. Don’t be afraid to make the wrong decision. You need to consider your mistakes as invaluable experience.
The state of inner constraint can be overcome with the help of some actions.
- Sports and spiritual development help to stop being a shy person and get rid of isolation. A good physical shape raises self-esteem, so attending sports sections leads to inner emancipation and allows a person to overcome self-doubt. It is necessary to read fiction and educational literature, attend thematic lectures and seminars. It is necessary to accept all invitations from friends to visit concerts, cinemas, exhibitions and any entertainment events.
- Closed people are recommended to communicate with strangers. Set a goal to meet a new person at least once every 10 days. First, you should look for friends through social networks. Then you need to make attempts to meet in crowded places. Once in line by chance, be sure to start a conversation with the person standing next to you.
- You can fight inner stiffness by doing some kind of daring act.. For example, try skydiving, take part in motorsports, take part in a public speaking, beauty pageant. Put on extravagant clothes, get a new haircut, dye your hair a bright color. Become a volunteer, attend various charity events. Invite someone of the opposite sex to the theatre, planetarium, or skiing.
Shy people need to believe in themselves and stop hiding from others. Feel free to express your thoughts to others, while showing respect to everyone.
To eliminate the existing difficulties in communicating a clamped person, you should pay attention to some factors.
- Feeling analysis. Recognize that there is a problem. Try to remember when you first began to feel shy and awkward in a relationship. Obstacles in communication with others can be eliminated by accepting yourself as a person. Disrespect for one’s own person leads to insecurity and shyness.
- Personal development. Any individual needs constant self-improvement. Reading books, visiting museums and theaters, taking courses develops a sense of self-worth and instills the necessary confidence.
- Individuality. An important point is the awareness of its inner essence. You need to remember all your talents and features that distinguish you from other people. Feel free to show them to others. They form the basis of the formation of your personality.
- The art of communication. The presence of common interests and hobbies expands the circle of communication. You need to learn how to strike up a conversation with others. Do not shy away from the people you are interested in, try to get to know them, start close interaction. If necessary, take a public speaking course.
It is difficult for shy people to build romantic relationships, achieve heights in the professional field, and solve some everyday tasks. Often communication with the opposite sex does not work out because of a bad relationship with one of their own parents. Psychologists recommend establishing contact with the father and mother, reconciling with them.
You can become an open girl by showing interest in the stories of your companion, smiling and approving head nods. Ask your chosen one leading questions, do not be afraid to talk about yourself, share your experience, interesting stories with him. Accept his invitations to cafes, cinemas and walks. During the conversation, focus your attention on him, not on yourself. Don’t think that your every move is being monitored continuously.
Stop selfishness. Write down all your positive qualities in a notebook and concentrate on them throughout the day, increasing self-esteem and self-confidence. Declare war on excessive self-criticism. Don’t focus on the negatives. Be friendly with people around you.
You can attend special trainings to overcome their fears and gain faith in their own strengths. An important point is the exclusion of the very thought of the presence of timidity. You need to choose the exact words to describe your state in typical situations and make a complete list of your own reactions. Then correct them and write down the modified version.
For example, the first entry of a timid young man might look like this: “When talking with a girl, my heart starts to beat strongly, my hands tremble.” This is followed by a record of control over the situation: “I must first clench my fists tightly, put them in my pockets, and only after that start a conversation with a girl.”
There are special exercises that allow you to correct anxiety and remove internal tightness.
- Smile at passers-by on the street, look them straight in the eye, do not hide your gaze. At first it will be very difficult, but overcoming your inner “I” will gradually help you cope with insecurities and integrate into society. First, practice at home in front of a mirror, then smile more often at friends and relatives. Start your morning with an open smile. She relieves tension. After that, you can start smiling around.
- The next exercise involves eliminating awkwardness when communicating with strangers. Throughout the day, ask random passers-by how to get to some point of interest or ask a short question: “Can you tell me what time it is?” Be sure to include a diverse population. Address schoolchildren, young ladies and men, mature people and very old people: old women and old men. Then complicate the task and ask again, pretending that you did not hear the answer.
- You can learn to behave confidently by returning the purchased goods back to the point of sale. Buy something first. After a few minutes, return to the store and tell the seller that you have changed your mind and want to return the purchased item. Do not give in to any persuasion! The seller is obliged to refund you the money for the goods. Conquering embarrassment is helped by contacting 5 trading points per day in order to purchase and return an unnecessary item.