It would be great if you learned to distinguish between these three concepts, because, unfortunately, very often people get confused about them. Let’s take this example: in a training session, one participant gets up and decides to turn off the air conditioner because she thinks the room is too cold. Hearing from me that before turning off the air conditioner, it would be nice to ask the other members of the group if they are cold, the girl was embarrassed.
She replied that she just satisfied her need, which she learned in our own trainings … Another participant said that such behavior was just a manner of showing up. I had to interrupt the training for a few minutes in order to clearly explain the difference in these terms to all participants. This is what prompted me to share my thoughts on this topic with you.
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If each of us decided to satisfy our needs, forgetting that we all live in society, anarchy would rule the world.
Indeed, we must know our needs and do our best to meet them. However, if this means that the people around you also have to meet your needs at the expense of their own, this is called selfishness. This must be repeated constantly because our ego does not allow us to remember it.
BE SELFISH is wanting the other person to meet our needs without listening to our own. This often happens in situations where we want the other person to please us as proof of their love.
Obviously, this can lead to confusion. For example, a woman returns from work and she is so tired that she decides not to have dinner, but just to rest. If she tells her husband and children that there will be no dinner this evening, this is selfishness. If she tells them that she doesn’t want to eat dinner herself, but that they can eat whatever they want or have whatever they want delivered to their homes, she will satisfy her needs without stopping other family members from doing the same.
I know many women who decide to change their eating habits by reading a book about food or by deciding to lose weight. And they began to prepare food for the whole family according to their own preferences, making them believe that everything is done out of love for them. However, such behavior is selfishness, not love for others.
Also, we need to be attentive to what exactly we call a need. Is it really a need, or rather a desire or a whim? To find out if this is your true need, ask yourself the question: will this allow me to be who or what? Let’s return to the participant of our trainings from the first example. She could say that she had a need to feel comfortable in order to better absorb the training. And then it would be enough for her to ask someone for a blanket or a scarf, or to be asked to move to another place where she would not be cold.
In many cases people think that manifest is to say or do what they want. In another training, one young man constantly interrupted me or other participants to ask a question without raising his hand. He admitted that for him this was a way of expressing himself, and that now he practiced it everywhere: after all, before, with his parents, he was never allowed to do this. To manifest is to clearly express one’s thought, opinion and intention, according to one’s own values and needs. Thus, the young man did not show himself, but forced other people to listen to him when it suited him. Such behavior is a manifestation of strong selfishness, as well as a lack of respect for other people.
When we truly manifest, other people feel that we are speaking from the heart, expressing only our needs. Take, for example, a man who feels the need to be in nature, which will help him calm down after a busy work week. To do this, he decides to sign up for a game of golf.
When he sees that his girlfriend and his children do not agree with this, he manifests himself by stating that it is important for him to satisfy this need. They have the right to disagree with him, but this will not change his decision. He wants to decide for himself if this is right for him to satisfy his need for calmness and he needs to play golf for a while to find out if this is so.
In this case, the man does not prevent his girlfriend and children from satisfying their own needs.
To manifest is also to be able to express one’s requests to satisfy one’s needs. However, do you remember that the person you ask for something has the right to say “no” to you? If so, all you have to do is find another person to whom you can present your request. This is how you talk about your need without imposing anything on anyone, and therefore do it without selfishness and control.
We must all remember that it is not possible for all members of a couple or family to have the same needs at the same time. And this is a great opportunity to learn true love, which is about accepting other people’s differences, even if we don’t agree, even if we don’t understand.
So, I recommend that you start practicing expressing your needs, showing up clearly and clearly, and making your requests as soon as possible. If you wait too long to allow yourself to manifest, your request may become a complaint or a demand.
Let’s say your work colleague interrupts you frequently and it annoys you. It throws you off your mind and makes it difficult for you to continue working. If you wait too long to show up and ask him to respect your space, chances are you’ll get angry and it won’t be a request but more of an accusation. Remember that as soon as you show emotions, you stop hearing your true needs and, of course, stop expressing yourself.
With love, Liz Burbo
In her seminars, Liz teaches in a simple and accessible way the right attitude towards your body, helps to work out psycho-emotional trauma and launch positive programs in your life. Changes will not keep you waiting!
LIZ BURBO in Kyiv:
March 9 — Your Body Language: The Code of Love
March 10–12 — Listen to your soul
March 14–15 — Five traumas of the soul
Details on the site +380506092799
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